Exam day 1

Today is the first day of my exam and I really felt stress this semester...really!!!
I couldn't believe that I can ever felt pressure even weeks before the exam started and begin to study like never before. Maybe that my mind is made and this is just too freaking me out. Tune in quite early yesterday after the medication and just before waking up, I had a dream again. In the dream, I was studying for the same thing again but well, I knew it was dream anyway. What I read in the dreams is just the same in the real life. I was studying so intensely and nothing much went into my little brain.

A moment later, I met a pair of married couple who were supposed to be in their 50s and what makes me happy is I was actually studying in my room. The room I meant is my own sweet room and not the sulkiest and crappy room in the lousy yet getting more expensive hostel. Also, there were children around. We were actually playing and me playing cum studying or just memorizing in fact. Then the uncle bring me around with his van. He brought me to somewhere that I am not familiar with and he start asking questions. I was STUNNED!!! He actually ask me questions on the paper I am taking in the evening and initially I could not really up to his questions. Tried hard to think back the answers for the questions and he is asking more and more quickly and I am able to answer his question well and at least fast enough. After several minutes, he say he wanna leave for a while and out of some moments, he drove a bus and appears in front of me. A bus which was purple in colour and sparkling and look superb luxury. Went into the bus and he said wanna wait for another to ride in. Maybe there are others who were lost in the dream and he is the guide who is guiding we all back to our main road.

Then I woke up. Doing extraneous works and did not even touch my notes for the whole morning. Then when I reach library in the noon and starts my revision, what the guy ask in the dream actually just make sense. He ask me according to the sequences of my notes and miraculously I remembered most of them but the memory of these crappy stuff were still crumple together.

Never did I expected that some of the questions asked by the dream guy was in the paper as well. Only a few questions is spotted right on. However I am damn hating myself as I actually mixed the solution parts. Why am I explaining the whole damn Solution II and Solution III as the questions ask on Solution I and II. So dammit!!!

Forgotten about GuCl and the whole question 8 which is on the nick translation and 5' termini labelling process. So regret didn't arrange all the data in my mind well and at last this is what I cauze to myself. The feeling of regretting and rejection is so strong in me that I could hardly explain myself. Well, today has pass and will be welcoming tomorrow with a new feeling. Hope no more regressa!!!

NOISY PTSL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday I was actually intend to finish up studying the chapters in Biochemistry at library but unfortunately I can't. I have no idea why this happen as my determination gauze just deplete at the last moment and I can only be able to finish up photosynthesis and some of the nitrogen and amino acid synthesis. Reaching the library at around 10.30 a.m. and start with my revision and I just can't focus much in it. More over, I slept for around an hour before I can really concentrate. Zzzzzz..... So sleepy by then. After taking my lunch, everything has change. There are more and more people at that small space (level 2). I have no idea why when they were there for discussion why not get a key for the discussion room? Fancy discuss so LOUDLY in the small space and this makes me almost break down. Still struggling for an hour and I just can't take it. Merely just "shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" and finally theres a moment of peace. While then, I can heard some who still chatting and say "Shh what shh?". This is like WTF as they actually don't even know that there are people who wanna study and they just did it again.

PLEASE la UNCLE AND AUNTIE!!!!!!!!!!!! I F YOU WANNA DO ANY DISCUSSION IN THE LIBRARY PLEASE GET THE DISCUSSION ROOM. I AM SO FED UP WITH THE MATTER THAT YOU ALL ACTUALLY CHAT WITH YOUR FRIENDS AT A MERE DISTANCE AND TALK SO LOUDLY. IF YOU GONNA JOKES AROUND IN THERE PLEASE GET OUT. YOU ARE ANNOYING OTHERS WHO WANNA STUDY. ALSO PLEASE CONSIDERATE ON OTHERS AS YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE IN THE LIBRARY. YESTERDAY IT WAS JUST LIKE WET MARKET. SO NOISY AND DISTURBING. MY BLOOD PRESSURE ALSO NEARLY WENT UP. MORE OVER, THERE ARE SEVERAL ATTEMPTS THAT PEOPLE ACTUALLY JUST "SHHHHH" BUT THE NOISE JUST GETTING LOUDER AND LOUDER. EVEN THE STAFF IN THE LIBRARY IS LAUGHING AND CHATTING SO HAPPILY AND LOUDLY. IS THIS WHAT HAVING IN ONE OF THE NATION BIGGEST LIBRARY? MAYBE THIS LIBRARY JUST HAPPENS TO BE A LIBRARY WHICH HAS GREAT CREDIBILITY FOR CHATTING AND LAUGHING AND EVEN SINGING.

Hope this matter won't happen again or else I gonna get the complain letter and make tongue slashing moment to the management.

我还是我吗？

今天不知为何我的心情突然又从天堂掉入了地狱。。。

可能是因为久病不愈的关系吧。。。

也可能是因我本来就是那么的~那么的失心疯。

独自在房听着有那么点悲伤的曲，不知觉的心里就好像被掏空了。。。

满满的不愉快涌进了我的心房。

本来想要开心的过下去可是就是不能那么做。。。

可能是摩羯在作怪吧。。。

可能是最近所遇到的挫折和感到被排挤开来吧。。。

为什么就没人能了我心呢？

有时真的感到被排挤开来。。。

朋友需要做到那样吗？

常常都被人误会我是这样那样的人。。。

可是何有几次会相信我的为人呢？

做人真难啊。。。

我明白你们都有自己的想法，可是同样的一句话身边的朋友说了就那么赞同呢？我说了就当狗屁听听就算了。。。

你们有没有想过我的感受的阿？

我就那么的透明吗？

同样的一句话

为什么身旁的人说了就是神谕，我说了就是恶魔开口撒旦言行呢？

这回我真的想通了。。。

不再用言语来表达我了。。。

伤悲其害的感触我就收下了。。。

不再会解释也不再会让人家在看到我的心情了。。。

我真的受伤了。。。

以上陈述

Migraine GONE!!!

Finally my migraine is gone for this moment...
Really glad that it has gone or else I will be going to suffer for the rest of the days. However, due to my laziness, all my plans were stalled and stalled till no further notice. Kinda hate myself for that as I can't even help myself to fell asleep. Please wake up Benjamin~ Final is just around the corner and still slacking around. Do you wish to feel that feeling of heart shattering again? Please la... Think again for your future and not enjoying your carefree life anymore. There is no carefree life in UKM and now there isn't anymore.

As the ranking of UKM has dropped by 41 to 291, we as students in UKM would have to struggle more harder to survive as the senat will try all their best to make us better and up UKM grades next year so will be ranked into top 200.

So Benjamin~ is time to fight for it... Your future depends on it too!!!

Migraine experience...

Yesterday, I was attacked by serious migraine again. This time, it makes me felt so sick and pain. I can hardly find any energy to sit or walk but lie down on my bed for a very long time. While lie on my bed, I have been cursing myself again and again for not doing my practical log book and study for the upcoming paper. Damn... I can't even stay focus while my limbs were like paralyze. Coughing, flu is surrounding me like I am their vengeance foes.

After several hours of sleep, I can felt that my condition is improving till I went for my dinner. The journey to cafe is really suffering as my eyes hurts that it connected to my head and triggered the effect of more serious migraine. Fortunately, I can be able to sustain the effect of it. Migraine can really affects one diet. I have no idea what to eat even though I am really hungry. Ate a bowl of instance noodle there and quickly went back to my room. The pain still there but is not that severe anymore. Chatting with my floor mate for a short while and I start taking out all the books needed for the reports and try to do. Just, the moment I wanted to start writing, I am shrinking again. That moment, I think I need some help. Switched on the musics of Secret Gardens and after a while, unrealizable!!! My migraine was like stop and I have the strength to do my work again.

After several hours, a bee come by my room. That bee supposed to be hit by the celling fan and drop on my log book. It actually stung on my book and I watch how its intestine were pulled out. Immediately, I thought of that my friends were collecting insects for their course's projects. So, that poor bee which was bout to die were captured and pass to my friend. Then, my head is cracking again but at a site only. This point site doesn't affect me much and I can still be able to rest my body.

So, thanks Buddha, Allah, Jesus, God~ for letting me live for another day. I really appreciate today as I just live pass my head cracking experiences. However, the pain still continues will now but I don't think it will affect me further. Hopefully, I will not get another attack on tomorrow as I will be going to sit for another of my mid semester exam.

~~ To all my friends~~~> Good Luck for the exam tomorrow!!! Let the Godness of Luck stay with us till the end of our life.

Finally of PT 30

Pesta Tanglung UKM aka National University of Malaysia's Lantern Festival has finally come to finally. After few month of preparation and launching, all the hard works is worthwhile. Seeing all my friends who joined whether as a committee members or as the stage performers fight so hard for the best performances last night as a winding story, for me is enough. Although I didn't join PT this year as an exco (my ex daddy wanted me to go for the interviews for exco), the feeling of Lantern festival is still the same but the situation is different. I am able to get a full view on another perspective and once again get to feel the sensation of being a free man.

The major events end by the stage performances and this year is on musical. Unlike the pass which performed on a story with sad and touching story lines this years the performers are performing in a musical seemable story. Although is a musicals, but only a few songs were sung by the actors. From the songs they sung, the feeling of the scripts seem to be alive and reachable. There is a part where "Ray" who was a doctors and son to a very successful man dies, most of my friends say that they did cried but this is a different story for me. Went to toilet for so many times that I does not have the mood to fully enjoy the show anymore as some parts of the story were not seen by me.

Lastly, this is a great show and Yi Shiun just performed all his skill. He acts, sungs, dances, and even play his harmonica once again on a big stage. To all my friends who acts and dances in the show~ Jin Yang aka Uncle Ben, Joanne~ dancers, Eng Ghee~dancers, Jayce~dancers, and more... thanks for your participation in the show... This make the show so interesting just trying to spot and awaiting for your turn to performs...

To all Excos ( Yuan Han, Jin Ni, Yet Loon, Cai Ni, Edison, Hui Nian, Seow Voon, Kar Yee~ more familiar with) and ex-Excos (all my daddy, mummy, ah gong, ah ma, great gramps) good job and thanks for your hardwork for this splendid events.

Unwanted thought~Still!

Finally is October...
The month of surprise and dullness...

As the month approach, is time for me to buck up again once and again for another striving...
I need to survive in this varsity though...
These few days, the world is flocked by dusts and calamities...
Tragedies happens everyday and more and more people puff out their last breath...
The sky were also shedding tears for those who were dead and this would sure continues as the GLOBAL WARMING is really getting worst day by day. Just on yesterday, there are earthquakes, typhoon and even tsunami. What a tragic day and I even heard that some friends in UKM lost their dearest family members who were living in Indonesia. Sending condolences to those~

While for me, the situation is just as same. Yesterday is a day of emo for me and this kinda continued till now. I have no idea why am I so emo lately but there's sure a reason for all this. The overwhelming pressure is just too much for me but the main concern is my health conditions. All these emo's sure comes from my bad health situations. Gastritis almost acts every night. Furthermore, my "old friends"~ Mr. FLU is back and "hug" me with all might. Luckily I have shun away him but another of his relative is attacking me for chasing Mr. Flu away. What a week for me. Staying in a room which facing the road and dust just flies in so easily. My allergies nose works perfectly and is getting more pro in doing its job.

On the other hand, I am getting lesser quality sleep as I am doing USELESS stuff. Negleting my lecture notes and practical reports is really a great sin.




To my friend~ buck up... don't let this little thing hanging on your road to move forward. Relationship is just like this, can be sweet and can be bitter. His heart is no longer available for you but I believe that you can eventually found your Mr Right whose his heart will be yours fully. If you wanna find somebody to chat or accompany, we all ~ the night cat gang~ will be available for you always.