March of my life

It has been such a long time since I last upload a post. During the past few weeks, my life has been a utter mess. believe me, these few weeks would be my busiest week since I entered Uni. The month of March were filled with exam and assignments and and also presentations. All this has made me felt suffocating and I am really suffering in this month. I have also realize that I have really done a lot of stupid stuff which thrown me into the agony of suffers. I should have been study all day long and not playing all day long. I should also pay more attention in my studies and not in all those useless and mind corrosive stuff. Also, this month represent another side of me as I started to be depress more and more. Even more worse than in secondary 6.

After sat for the microbiology exam, I felt relieve as the question was easy but it turned that I got a C for the subject for mid semester. Really felt like dying when the result were published. The same goes to the other subject. I hate why I couldn't even achieve a little higher than what I expected.

[To be continued...]

Frustrating

It has been some while since I last ate KFC. Happens that my friend also wanna go to KFC so we set off yesterday from Za'ba at 6.30 p.m. The bus came in time and we expect to reach Metro at around 7 p.m. but out of all sudden, the bus driver chase everybody down the bus as he said he wanted to rest for dinner. Shit man...

Then, we finally sat onto another bus at around 7.20 p.m. However, the bus drives back to UKM again. Thats not all. The bus then stop at Hentian Kajang and we were forced to wait till 8 p.m. This is really terrible as I am having gastritis problem and my gastric was in terrible pain. Finally, we reach KFC at 8.20 p.m. As soon as I reach, I ordered the Colonel Chicken Rice Combo as it can fill my hunger. This is the only happy part for yesterday. The stories only just started. After the meal, then we wait for the bus somewhere before 9 p.m. There are no bus at all and we all have to wait till around 10.30 p.m. before the bus arrived. This is really shit man. I have no idea why we have to wait for a total of 3 hours in order to have a meal of KFC. Damn Rapid... All my time wasted...

The whole damn shit...

Has been some time since I update my blog. I have been so busy all week but it seem like I have done nothing. It was just like all my efforts were wasted. Actually, I have no idea on what I am doing all along as I started to sleep very very late ; ~4 a.m. everyday. In addition last few weeks were having mid semester exam so I was in a nervous state since then. I can no longer maintain my cool and more prone to act lazily. Sometime I am wondering why am I changing so much but the more I think the more crazy I went. I have become a fanatic and this would surely an evolution in me. Also, I started to experience the decrease of my intellectual levels. My brain seem to not functioning in good condition and I was so so lacking of concentration.

In this week also, the results are out for some of the mid semester exam and surprisingly I was push down to the bottom pit. This also means that my feeling was bottomed down. The kind of depress is what make me felt more restless and uneasy. Actually for microbiology, I have done so many revision and can be able to answer the exam question well. Just maybe there are some errors but when the result was out, this really started me. It was really hard for me to accept the reality of getting such poor result in microbiology. It was getting more weird as the paper was in MCQ form and there are a lot of people who got an "E" for the paper. Back to me, I have done some checking and found that I got less errors. Out of 50 questions, there should be only about 10 errors but it come out to be a "C" for me. Shit man... I am really unable to accept the fact that I got this kind of result even I done less errors in this paper compared to the other papers.

In the mean time, my time was tied to the college's annual activities. What the heck!!! The rehearsal started at 10 p.m continuously for 2 days and I was forced to be there as a crew and as a protocols. The rehearse end up to end by 2 a.m and worser yesterday as it end at 3 p.m. This life... This make me felt so tired everyday and unable to wake up early for my class. Today, I even missed my class as I was unable to woke up. The class start at 9 a.m but I only be able to awake by 9.30 a.m. This is not the first time anymore. I missed all my morning class if I overslept and this all was me to be blame of. Lacking of determination to wake of course.

Just hope that everything will goes out fine and I would be able to get what I wanted. Finger cross...

Define me please...(comment to define)

HOW DO YOU DEFINE ME?

this is for me to get known of another side of me...

忧愁。 《帮我解答吧》

又问回同样的问题了。。。

到底人是为了什么而活呢？

活着又是为了什么？

这几个问题都一直在我脑海里打滚着。真得很希望能让每个问题都附上一个答案。可是那些答案会是我想要的标准答案吗？真得很不明白人每天在寻寻觅觅什么。 我的人生仿佛已经失去了目标。有句话说得好; “做人难，难做人”。这句话应该很不陌生吧？人每天都在做些自己无法想象的事。比如说学生就有真么作都做不完的课业，活动，接触人买等等。有时会觉得自己好像在重复做着同一件事，不成停顿过。

虽然这是我的空间可是也有些我不想提到的事。那些事就有可能永远埋藏在我心里吧。 可能有些人已经知道一些关于我不想透露的事了，可是我还是不会说出口的。那将是我永远的秘密。

就写到这了。。。 希望有人可以帮我解答我的烦恼。（最好是能让我放心把心里话说出的人）

depressing moment

Life is sucks as I am too. Recently, I notice that, I have change tremendously. I am becoming more like a freak and losing faith in people. I have no idea why this is happening but there is something going on right now. However, I might take quite some moment to figure out just what is going on now and why how this is affecting me. My language also becoming more and more sarcastic. Due to my bluntness, I might has already hurt peoples feeling.

What should I do now?

I wish everything will be back to normal again. I need to find ways to reset all this to the default mode.

ScRaMbLiNg mOmEnT!!!

A moment to think what happen till yesterday. My life is in total mess as I was doing all the last minute work every now and then. My this attitude has made me live in a total agony state as I have to rush my work till midnight and got to wake an early morning for a new day. Things has never change as it repeated itself everyday without fail. As if the history repeating right in front of my eyes every moment. The intense feeling of hatred and loneliness were unbearable. I hate my job handling attitude as I has never change. I am still the old me who are still a lazy bum bum right till this moment. Maybe the chinese proverb were right ~ leopard never change it's spot. No matter how hardworking and diligent you try, the real self will still be there, still. It was like the evolution. The rDNA will not change much as the organism evolves. This really apply on human too. As people tend to be changing their appearance but the inner side would still remains the same. Just, influences does affect the result, nothing much matter as heart is the one which control. Oops, to be specific, the emotion and feeling together with the main ingredient, own attitude. Chatting especially would be the best experiment on how to bring out attitude without control. Unless, the one who were in the conversation happens to be a machine or metal like human.

Decision are hard to make especially when it comes to the final moment, when nothing is more important than getting the job done. The gauze of anxiousness and fear overwhelming and this resulting in the change in one basic properties~ emotions. One started to feel uneasy and minds were floating away from the real body. The job would take forever to done as this would only increase the errors percentage.

Should I reduced to be a garbage in the near future by having this kind of attitude? If then, I might as well be death by now. There are so many unexpected in life but the most important moment is the one which everyone scared of~ the final moment. Final moment does change one perspective towards everything around us. Nobody is common as the uniqueness of a person does not depend on ability and wealth and even family background. The uniqueness depending only with one perspective. Human mind is great but getting rusty. Without perspective, there will not be having any country, too.

I have lost once but now might be the time for me to recollecting back my memories and my attributes. Perspective will come to me again and will surely shines one day.

Analysis result

I have just done an analysis. Thanks to Charlene.

So, here is the result of the blog analysis.

ISTP - The Mechanics

The independent and problem-solving type. They are especially attuned to the demands of the moment are masters of responding to challenges that arise spontaneously. They generally prefer to think things out for themselves and often avoid inter-personal conflicts.

The Mechanics enjoy working together with other independent and highly skilled people and often like seek fun and action both in their work and personal life. They enjoy adventure and risk such as in driving race cars or working as policemen and firefighters.

Analysis

This show what parts of the brain that were dominant during writing.

Somtimes...

• Sometime, I have been thinking of my future route.

• Sometime, I have been thinking on what I am doing for that particular moment.

• Sometime, I am thinking on something that would never happen.

• Sometime, I regretting too much on what I have done.

• Sometime, I hope to be alone and quiet.

• Sometime, I like to join my friends even though there is hardly any conversation.

• Sometime, I wanted to sleep so much and then insomnia.

• Sometime, I wish I doesn't exist in the world.

• Sometime, I am so lazy that I do not even want to open my eyes.

• Sometime, I am hurting myself physically and mentally.

• Sometime, I am having internal monolog. ( as what happen now)

• Sometime, I am playful but being ignored.

• Sometime, I do not organize all the things I got.

• Sometime, I boast a lot.

• Sometime, I don't feel like talking to people.

• Sometime, I am too addicted to internet.

• Sometime, making myself busy is the best way to forget about another thing.

• Sometime, I felt depress on an undone mission.

• Sometime, I only talk to GIRLS.

• Sometime, bickering with people is what I do.

• Sometime, I would like to talk to somebody but there is nobody to talk to.

• Sometime, I would devote myself in blogging.

• Sometime, even when I know it's wrong, I would step into it.

• Sometime, I would leave a very bad impression toward others.

• Sometime, I will be calculation on my daily expenses.

• Sometime, I felt just want to tease others.

• Sometime, I would do some crazy stuff when bored.

• Sometime, being myself is the worst idea.

• Sometime, bluffing is another way to hide the truth.

• Sometime,.................

There are a lot of sometimes in our life. It just depend on how we deal with the problem. As a problem created if not settled, will extend to another problem and making the situation more complicated and more entangling.