Plan crumbles!!! :(

What a let down!!! I had been experiencing the same exact problem twice for now. What sadden is when everything is ready and this happens. I couldn't verbally express myself now, just pure disappointment. So hoping to have midas touch by turns to boost my luck to get rip of this issue.

This could be a good reason for me to stay moody throughout the day which was already a let down. Could I just let it be? Somehow, I have been wasting my time due to this issue. I couldn't even proceed to the next stage of what I should be doing.

Right now, I just wanna shout:

I HATE PLAN AHEAD NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whichever that I plan crumbles. Whenever I don't plan ahead and do as I like, nothing happens though. DAMN!!!! Muther fcuker!!!!

Well, heres the end of my frustration moment.

A lesson taken is a lesson learnt. We have to learn to take everything as if its not as granted. Nobody is perfect and able to achieve success in the first tried. Hard-worker will eventually be awarded with what they really desired. Complaining will only makes the route towards success blur and misty. Accept the failure and buck up. Get back to the one with the initial confidence and race towards what planned.

Words for myself: Mourn for the failure today and get back to the usual self again after 0000hr. Adius!

Yet another hills conquering missions

When was I last updated my blogs? Nada..been month I abandon my venting space. Lolz

Today, I had another wonderful experiences with my fellow lab mates. Its fun to hang around together and have meaningful activities. Almost everyone sacrifices their sleep time in order for us to have fun together. Setting off at 4 a.m. ain't easy. Staying awake and lethargy for this high energy consumed activity is even harder but we prove that we conquered it all. The whole trips comes with a "slogan" which is "WOW!!! Fantastic Baby!!!"

Can you get the coherency of this? Haha...
Never belittle the power of nature as I believe we are blessed enough to still safe to hike to the peak of the hill. Why do I say so? It was raining sometimes 12 hours before we reach the hills and start climbing. However, I was quite despondent with the scenery of the hills. Its no longer that beautiful and majestic as compared to previous trips. It was filled with RUBBISH and VANDALIZED. Why we human are so damn self-fish??? Can't anybody just make sure whatever activities that to be carried on does not destroy the natural beauty of what mother earth gave birth to? Its good if you would like to have something to prove your appearance to certain place but when you did so, have you thought of the consequences? I believe that every living beings can think and act accordingly. Anyhow, that's my feeling after went for the second times.

I did feel happy and excited but on the other hand, I was moody and despondent. Can you describe this feeling?

Intern's progression (3 weeks)

Tomorrow will be the forth week of my internship. Well, I had truly adapted to this lab and its routine works. Processing samples, dividing samples, allocating samples to different departments, cleaning, maintenance, sending reports and more. Even though sometimes I'm still blur with those medical terms, I learnt quite a lot there. As we will be having Q&A sessions and discussion sessions together whenever we're free, there's still lots to be learn.

For the past two weeks, we have been discussing on enzymes and Hepatitis B Virus. Yeah, will soon discussing on menstrual enzymes and maybe another enzymes regarding medical fields.

At the same time, we got new company to work together. He's a biochemistry major in UM. As he's from second year, somehow he doesn't fit really good. He was too curious and like to know more. Well, that's a good thing but at the same time stubborn. He doesn't believe whatever we said and whatever we taught him. Sometimes, we need to REPEAT more than three to five times only he understand what we meant. He always ask about technical stuff and that's was based on experiences and not theory. I salute him for his curiosity and the will to learn more but at the same time he should learn to LISTEN and take notes. Well, he quite getting on my nerves and hell yea, I almost ranting at him at times. I really couldn't standing in his shoes as I am having the experiences that he doesn't in industrial nor in working life.

Anyway, I will try to remain cool and teach whatever we can. Hope starting tomorrow he will understand what we're doing actually and learn the way to work instead of just pulling the rope. Also, I felt apologetic to all the seniors there as I have been nagging and repeating back all those nerves stepping moment I felt to them  but somehow they does understand what actually happens.

That's all the past 2 weeks. Adius~

Ads-spam

Advertising is good but not to be overly done. 

Recently, I saw too many ads spamming going around the blogosphere especially in chat-box. Sometimes, they spams your comment box. Don't you ever felt something with this? Yeah, I admit this is one of the strategy to publicize your site but this ain't what people wanted. Those advertiser might not be aware of this as this is purely done using ads-bot. This is quite frustrating for me as I need to frequently check and delete it from the sight so that nobody will CLICK on it...No offences...

If you wanted to advertise on my site, please request for my permission beforehand! Or else reports can be done!

Water supply issue

Should I be angry with myself? Woke up early when there's water supply but sleep again until there's no water supply?

Recently, theres a trend of cutting off water supply at my block from around 10 a.m. till night. I was forced to search for water at another block just to get myself clean. Complain should done no help huh? I should considered myself lucky as some college having more serious water problem as compared to mine!

Instrumentation

Been studying this subject for several days. And this is the only subject that makes me study till fuming! I have no idea what is going on and this might be the first time that I can revise until wanna kill people!

Damn~

In the lecture hall, there are more than 200 peoples and ONLY my course was the first batch to take it. Most of them have already having basic to this subject last semester and should be easier for them to understand the basic to the instruments being taught. Furthermore, this is a chemistry based subject and they have seen and even used one or two of the instruments here. Then, what about us? We are just a bunches of guinea pigs being push to the slaughtering shop awaiting for our turns to be served as "entertainments" of others "gastric". I really hate it now.

Now, I am doing the past years and guess what, THERE IS NO ANSWERS found from lecture notes and INTERNET!!! How am I going to do without the answers? Most of the questions being asked here ain't what being taught but BEING TOUCH N' GO!!! 


Who can help me? Save me from this CRAZY subject!!! I need to have relieve from it!

Chemical instrumentation~ KILL ME NOW or I will surely find ways to assassinate you!

Returning Blues

After the holiday, I am back to my academic home. Travel under misty cloud makes me felt quite scare and tension while what makes me sadden is that I couldn't connect to the wireless service that I paid for. As the company introduce new service for visitors' only, this has interrupt the service for students primarily those who using Vista. I could detect the original signal but couldn't connect to it. What weird is I could reach the login page of the visitors' only page. WTH!

I paid for this kind of service? The instruction for denied automatic profiler for new signal ain't applicable for me too. This is what called despair! Happens almost every here and then when I need connection the most. Luckily I have shifted to a new residential college where I can still connect through cable. However, the connection for cable is getting worst by days. How can I done my assignments and tasks without the aids of infos?

Anyway, Mid Autumn Festival is around the corner. Hereby, I would like to wish everyone Happy Mid-Autumn Festival!

Waiting

Recently, I'm getting more and more emotional and I have no idea why am I acting so. A new semester is starting soon and at the same time, my meal time is totally run havoc. This has let me felt the worst feeling again. The sensation of gastritis is terrible and I got no ways to overcome it. In addition, due to the recent changes in weather, my body condition is getting bad and might be the cause of my mood swing again.

During this whole week, my emotional is getting more and more unstable by days and I started to be late in everything as I have already disappointed with the act from others who were always late and I HATE WAITING. Have been waiting for peoples since I was small. Grew up in a family that instill the principle of punctuality strictly and now I am very tired of waiting of peoples. Can I just let people wait for me instead of the other way round? I am freaking sick of waiting anymore. Better off, when timed and nobody appear, I just walk off.

During this whole week, I started to feel weak. Yesterday, I nearly dozed off while driving and this ain't first time anymore. I should rejuvenate myself to get back my at least healthy body.

考试一周

考试就这样过了一个星期。在这个星期里，我的信心一连被两科主修科给挤垮了。这也是我人生第一次觉得如此。不知为何的，刚考完试后，我有种要让自己流泪的感觉可是欲哭无泪啊。。。

可能是这个学期对我来说是个很压力的一个学期把。 人是贪心的动物，我承认事实如此。越是想得到的， 当得不到时内心就会发起一股不悦的情感。我也是一样，订下目标后，总觉得现在的我离目标越来越远了。这两张考卷让我感到无比的丧心也让我有想放弃的感觉。可是我了解到，也可能是应为这样，我才能真正的了解我自己。在弱肉强食的时代里，只有强者才能存活和生存。我不喜欢跟别人争也讨厌这种观念可是活在现今身不由己。

昨天的我和今天的我已是不同的人。在悲观都好，我已学习到抗压的方法了。昨天的我真的很疯狂。一整天就是在背书，到了晚上，突发觉我的胃又开始不舒服了。那痛觉让我感到无奈，也让我连想到之前都必须靠药来缓解疼痛。 我不想再一直过这样的生活，胃痛说真的是很难受很不舒服的。为了不想再吃药， 我已天天尽量的按时吃饭了。可是，我的胃就是不争气，现在都在我吃完饭后还是疼痛。我可不想那么快就倒下了。

Yesterday to Today (le 13 Avril)

Today is the first day of my examination day. The morning I woke up, I saw friends posted "No WATER!" and I knew this is gonna be bad. Then, soon after my roommate return after searching for water to bath, my slipper was gone by one SIDE! I am definite there are some perverts around and I still a stubborn fella who left my slippers outside of my room. Not just mine, but most of those who left their slippers at the corridor found themselves, missing by 1 side too. Later, I found back my slipper again. Damn shitty as this is the forth time my slipper got stolen if not mistaken. The first and second times, I found back as it was arranged nicely in front of SOMEBODY's room. Then the third time is in the DUSTBIN. DAMN. F***!!! Well, this time is very different. Can guess?

No time

Today, Thursday, the 4th day of study week and I still haven't finish revising a subject. I really wish that I can finish with the revision fast so I have time for past year papers. However, I don't really felt any pressure on me. I can't even force myself to study for a longer duration as I do not have the confidence myself to finish it. Am I such a weakling? Being subdued by entertainment and laziness. Keeping my finger crossed now in hoping to accelerate my study speed.

计划。。。 明日生效！！！

最近的我开始对任何事都存有疑惑。这种疑惑让我感到很不安。通常人开始厌倦了某些事就会有这样的疑惑。感觉上什么都不再重要了。同样的一句话，我还是当个吾形人比较好。。。很讨被当作透明的。 这几天，不知为何的一切有方佛回到了不认识的时候。同样的内容，我说了就是没有人听也没有人在意我想说的话。我说的都是废话吧？不说又被人说摆架子，很坏，最后一分钟才说等等的话。

我好想什么都不说了。。。

说了也没人听，却让我感到不渝。。。

反正我说的每句话都不当是话，没人想聆听。

就从明天起，我要开始回到我小学的时候了。不再爱说话和传达消息。。。

每个人都有致命伤， 而我的偏偏就是这。。。

朋友们，请不要问我为什么整天拉着脸不说话哦。。。

我已经厌倦了。。。

不再想受伤害！

验血

今天，真是个忙碌的一天。。。

其实前天就在怀疑今早是不是我那组去抽血了。。。

因为没有交代好的缘故，我们都很混乱。。。

所以今早去的是另一组的人。。。

可是去到时，却发现今天不是他们那组而是我们这组。。。

幸好电话打来时我已经睡醒了。。。

就赖着床上不想起来。。。

就马上得去刷牙洗脸。。。

洗了就马上从出去等巴士。。。

到了那，就剩几个人没抽血。。。

抽完血，拿了包装水就走去吃早餐了。。。

过后去验血时， 又开始blur blur 了。。。

根本就不知情要如何去做那些实验。。。

-------------------------------------------------

实验做完了，去吃午餐。。。

吃完午餐后便去了pusanika cafe 处理一些事。。。

那时已经蛮气了。。。

算了。。。

到了晚上开会，跟加离谱。。。

才知道星期日要开会。。。

什么都收收这。。。

很不爽了。。。

跟他们那族一起做工就是这样的！！！

我忍！！！！！！！

180110 ~ Joyeux Anniversaire!!! Good and bad

17th of January 2010.

*Start to receive a number of greetings from my friends. People start to remember my big day... haha

*Finish watching a series and surprisingly, my tears rolled down my cheek.

*Received my first present... woohoo...

18th January 2010

Continued to received more and more greetings from friends. As my big day falls on Monday, I am having lecture starting from 8 in the morning. Nothing much happen in the morning. Then went to ICT and mobile fair but filled with disappointment. Then, went to lecture hall for my lecture. Right there, the bioinformatic's sisters sung me birthday songs. I'm quite touch then. Then I went disturb and asking when to go for karaoke session even as I know I am having a seriously packed schedule throughout the week.

The lecturer went in and give her lecture. Sat there doing nothing so I started to chat with them again. Then, we were given 2 minutes break. In this 2 minute, my mood change from good to worst! The seat I sat suddenly being filled with their stuff and my bag is gone. Hiding my bag away and occupied my seat. And out of reason, one of my friend was being pulled into the conversation. Saying that my friend wanna sit with me and hid my stuff away? Don't you think is very rude? After discuss on the project with my group-mates, I started to sound on her on my stuff and she just talk like having jokes. By then, I could no longer control my anger. My hand start to shake vigorously as I talk. As most of my friends knew, I rarely get angry unless there is something triggered it. And that's one of the most hatred behaviors in my list that will cast away my clear mind. After the lecture, I got my baggy back and went off to my next lecture.

I was so steamy by then. When I reach the room for my language class, I straightly update my status on FB as I couldn't stand anymore. This is irritated me so much that I couldn't even focus on revise back on what Madame teaches last lecture. At that slight moment, I really felt like crying but I knew that if I cry, then it will be non-stop and never forgotten that is my big day. As time pass and learning new words in foreign language, I finally calmed down. Language really make me felt happy but there were still some residues that left over. After the class, I went to wait for bus to Pusan. and not long later, my room-mate appears and fetch me there. Really thanks him as I can sit on cushion comfortably to my next stop. As there were still some residue left, I don't felt like having any but ICE!!!

After the meal~ meeting!!! Before the meeting started, I chat a lot with the China student in our groups. He is a third year student who took language study. There, I receive the present from Joanne. Thanks Joanne!!! I love it... haha

Went back to my resident college and sat under the fan for a short while. Then I went to the cafe as my juniors were going celebrating my birthday. I never expected that there are so many people around. Initially they let me hear a birthday song which sung in Korean through phone. A few moments later, I heard the volume of the song being amplified. Omigosh... they use the PA system to play the song. Oh my, I am really shocked and stun for a few moment. Then EVERYONE in the cafe were singing birthday song to me while 3 pieces of Apollo Roll Cake with candle were placed in front of me. While making wishes, they switch the Roll cake to a BIG and YUMMY American Chocolate Cake. Oh my... its my favorite!!! I am so happy then. What next should be able to imagine in your mind right. Especially the candle picking parts. I pick up 7 candles altogether and this is the HIGHEST record ever in my entire lifetime. Love them so much... muuuaaakkkssss...

After the celebration, we returned to room and I start to get on the line to reply on all the birthday wishes. Then, I found out the girls apologize through post. Anyway, I am not that guy who keep hatred. The whole process of replying is really tough. As I could not connect to the web and is getting fed up by the connectivity. Fatigue~ I fell to my dreamland without realizing.

19th January 2010

Waking up in a rainy morning and I don't really felt like waking up as it is so cold and is so comfortable to sleep. However, I still prepare myself and went for lecture. This is a better day as my time is not as pack. Then in the evening, we went to Pizza Hut for a meal. This time, is a co-op birthday dinner for Jacky and me. As Jacky's birthday is on 20th Jan(today), we actually had a good time there. Its cold there but we refilled the beverage jug for around 5 times. Whilst, we were chatting on supernatural stuff that we met/hear. There after, we all went back. What a day...We had good time together again.

My return

What a day...

Today, I finally back to my college and prepare myself for tomorrow and the whole semester. As my dad is not around, I drove from JB to UKM along with my mum, aunt and my brother. On the highway, my bro started to show some of his stupid stubborn manner as he just doesn't want to held on the safety belt. If don't wanna wear safety belt don't sit in front la... ( sorry for my language)

The journey is quite tiring and my back ache after this 3 hours of non-stop driving. The journey is smooth and the weather is nice too. Wondering if the sun blazing top of me while I'm driving, I will go craze! In the car, I don't feel stuffy at all as its really very cold out there. Will there be snow in Malaysia too? XD

Cleaning my room for a short while (mum and aunt do most of the work... haha) and my another aunt arrive to my campus as well... My room by then was crowded with people and can imagine the shoes of 7 peoples all around the entrance of my room?

About 4 p.m. and its time for them to go back home while me staying here for good. Just after a while and I heard a bad news~ the car hit on a van in front of it on the highway. What the heck is all this. As you all know, highway is straight and there shouldn't be anyhow crashing on people's back while the traffic is slow. I really can't imagine the wreckage and the seriousness of the car. I'm really speechless now... Driving with speed and stick to the vehicle in front while heavy traffic? What a NUT!!!

NOISY PTSL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday I was actually intend to finish up studying the chapters in Biochemistry at library but unfortunately I can't. I have no idea why this happen as my determination gauze just deplete at the last moment and I can only be able to finish up photosynthesis and some of the nitrogen and amino acid synthesis. Reaching the library at around 10.30 a.m. and start with my revision and I just can't focus much in it. More over, I slept for around an hour before I can really concentrate. Zzzzzz..... So sleepy by then. After taking my lunch, everything has change. There are more and more people at that small space (level 2). I have no idea why when they were there for discussion why not get a key for the discussion room? Fancy discuss so LOUDLY in the small space and this makes me almost break down. Still struggling for an hour and I just can't take it. Merely just "shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" and finally theres a moment of peace. While then, I can heard some who still chatting and say "Shh what shh?". This is like WTF as they actually don't even know that there are people who wanna study and they just did it again.

PLEASE la UNCLE AND AUNTIE!!!!!!!!!!!! I F YOU WANNA DO ANY DISCUSSION IN THE LIBRARY PLEASE GET THE DISCUSSION ROOM. I AM SO FED UP WITH THE MATTER THAT YOU ALL ACTUALLY CHAT WITH YOUR FRIENDS AT A MERE DISTANCE AND TALK SO LOUDLY. IF YOU GONNA JOKES AROUND IN THERE PLEASE GET OUT. YOU ARE ANNOYING OTHERS WHO WANNA STUDY. ALSO PLEASE CONSIDERATE ON OTHERS AS YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE IN THE LIBRARY. YESTERDAY IT WAS JUST LIKE WET MARKET. SO NOISY AND DISTURBING. MY BLOOD PRESSURE ALSO NEARLY WENT UP. MORE OVER, THERE ARE SEVERAL ATTEMPTS THAT PEOPLE ACTUALLY JUST "SHHHHH" BUT THE NOISE JUST GETTING LOUDER AND LOUDER. EVEN THE STAFF IN THE LIBRARY IS LAUGHING AND CHATTING SO HAPPILY AND LOUDLY. IS THIS WHAT HAVING IN ONE OF THE NATION BIGGEST LIBRARY? MAYBE THIS LIBRARY JUST HAPPENS TO BE A LIBRARY WHICH HAS GREAT CREDIBILITY FOR CHATTING AND LAUGHING AND EVEN SINGING.

Hope this matter won't happen again or else I gonna get the complain letter and make tongue slashing moment to the management.

我还是我吗？

今天不知为何我的心情突然又从天堂掉入了地狱。。。

可能是因为久病不愈的关系吧。。。

也可能是因我本来就是那么的~那么的失心疯。

独自在房听着有那么点悲伤的曲，不知觉的心里就好像被掏空了。。。

满满的不愉快涌进了我的心房。

本来想要开心的过下去可是就是不能那么做。。。

可能是摩羯在作怪吧。。。

可能是最近所遇到的挫折和感到被排挤开来吧。。。

为什么就没人能了我心呢？

有时真的感到被排挤开来。。。

朋友需要做到那样吗？

常常都被人误会我是这样那样的人。。。

可是何有几次会相信我的为人呢？

做人真难啊。。。

我明白你们都有自己的想法，可是同样的一句话身边的朋友说了就那么赞同呢？我说了就当狗屁听听就算了。。。

你们有没有想过我的感受的阿？

我就那么的透明吗？

同样的一句话

为什么身旁的人说了就是神谕，我说了就是恶魔开口撒旦言行呢？

这回我真的想通了。。。

不再用言语来表达我了。。。

伤悲其害的感触我就收下了。。。

不再会解释也不再会让人家在看到我的心情了。。。

我真的受伤了。。。

以上陈述

Migraine GONE!!!

Finally my migraine is gone for this moment...
Really glad that it has gone or else I will be going to suffer for the rest of the days. However, due to my laziness, all my plans were stalled and stalled till no further notice. Kinda hate myself for that as I can't even help myself to fell asleep. Please wake up Benjamin~ Final is just around the corner and still slacking around. Do you wish to feel that feeling of heart shattering again? Please la... Think again for your future and not enjoying your carefree life anymore. There is no carefree life in UKM and now there isn't anymore.

As the ranking of UKM has dropped by 41 to 291, we as students in UKM would have to struggle more harder to survive as the senat will try all their best to make us better and up UKM grades next year so will be ranked into top 200.

So Benjamin~ is time to fight for it... Your future depends on it too!!!

FLARING TIME

Back to home for two days and what I found out is that ALL my clothes has become old!!! All the clothes I like so much has becoming so old or shape distorted. Damn...I should bring ALL MY CLOTHES there and shouldn't leave any of bit here...

I have no idea why my clothes will be my brothers target whereby the only reason my mum told me is that he don't have nice clothes for attending his school. What a lame and stupid excuse. He bought so many shirts and didn't even bother to where his while wear mine almost everyday... My camel active has becoming so old and I really hate it!!!

P/s: Keeping my flaring to a very limit. Hopefully I won't erupt during this holiday!

Sick cat on the go... I am SICK again...

Waking up in the morning and I can already sense that there is amiss with me. The longer the time, the serious I am. I am wondering what happened till after I brushes my teeth. The flu virus in my body is mutating again. This time, the symptoms which so much similar to the last few time resurfaced again. I am getting out of nerve as this makes me suffer a damn lot. Sneezing for several times in a rows ( usually 7 times) and continuously every few minutes. I can feel that my lungs were as if being sneezed out and this really a torture. 

Sneezing for a full day long and Joanne says her voodoo works. ( Do you performed voodoo? I never know your a witch... fast fast reveals your true identity and let me get the head news! Sure will make me striking rich... haha...joking!!! :P) Is there any cure for me?  I don't wanna sneeze every month and even before exam. This really freak me out. Wondering how am I going to concentrate for the exam on Sunday now. 

Sneezing is really hard for me though. It was like killing me and I revived again. So if like this, I have already gone through thousands of life cycle. (haha... this is just assumption) Sneezing for so long makes me felt hungry easily as suppose that my whole body is moving. When sneezing, the whole mucle on the chest is moving. Not only internal, the facial muscles are all moving so fast. As if, I am exercising while resting. Even in cold and freezing lecture hall, I can sweat as I sneeze. So this proves that the metabolism is high for the muscle tissues as they are moving so abruptly and fast.